28th March 2020 by Sonia Antoniazzi, Learning and Development Coordinator.
“If you are travelling with an infant, please place the oxygen mask over your own face first.”
How many times have we been trying to explain to someone how we are feeling, what’s gone wrong, and we feel ourselves getting more and more “full up”, with fear… excitement… dread… whatever it is that has brought us to this point, when a calming, mellow voice pierces through with the simplest of phrases… “Just breathe…” And together you take a deep breath in and allow a slow breath out. If you haven’t already, try it. I promise you – it works wonders!
What never fails to surprise me is the accompanying thought, often spoken – “Oh yes! I didn’t realise… I’d stopped breathing.” Sometimes it’s not spoken – but just really clear.
We first heard about a new illness in a faraway land, and news reports with voices filled with incredulity spoke of towns and cities closing, of human rights being shut down, and we regularly started hearing the term ‘Lockdown’.
But it was over there… way, way over there… And the reports kept coming, and more people were ill, and then it came closer… And it arrived in Europe.
And things started to change. Was Urgency creeping in?…
But it was still over there… Way, way over there… And the feeling kept growing, but words didn’t seem to match …
Then B A N G!! It arrived.
The new Coronavirus, which finally had its own name – COVID-19 was here. Here. Or sort of here. Was it here? Does that mean me? It can’t mean me! I’ll just get this stuff sorted out, first…
Then B A N G !!
Oh! You mean I can’t go out? I have to stay home … but what about work? My family? My clients? What do you mean schools are closed?… I think I feel hot… Who’s doing the work? I thought I was fine … it’s just a cough … But he doesn’t understand… She hates a change of routine… I’m the only one who gets it… The money… I have to pay the staff… Keyworkers… What do you mean we might close down?… I’ve got to feed the kids… I’ve got to teach the kids… mum’s on the phone… work from home you say… Zoom… what’s that?… where’s my phone?… of course I can do this… of course I can… I have to… I… I… I…. but… it’s ok, I’m fine… what do you want?… it’s good – it’s bad… everyone one out… keep everyone in… tighter… smaller… closer… I’ve got this… I’ve got… I…I… arghhh…
BREATHE… Just breathe…
For the best part of 30 years, here at Respond we have been talking about the importance of space and time, to help us navigate the turbulence of trauma. Finally, it seemed that the zeitgeist has changed, and Trauma Informed Practice was no longer a matter for idealistic practitioners but an approach that was based on science and facts. Who knew how important it would be, when a once in a lifetime phenomenon, a global pandemic, did its worst as it swept around the world, pulling people and systems into its energetic wave of trauma, like the tail of Halley’s Comet painted across old Christmas time skies? If ever there was a time trauma-informed thinking was needed to help us navigate an added tumultuous layer, it is here and now.
The gift we can give ourselves is self- care. Without it we will be on a sure path to falling into the grips of vicarious trauma. This self-care can take on many guises; a physical way to release the tension that’s held in our body, to help make space in mind for clearer thinking. A run in a park, or Pilates in the living room can both help to release somatised tension. Do something creative; paint, bake, sew, mend, fix… Support your mind to find a soothing place. And talking. Having someone to share our thoughts and feelings with cannot be underestimated and having the right kind of listener is crucial. A non-judgemental ear, someone who can help guide and support as needed. By falling into the belief that our feelings and how we are being emotionally impacted upon has no place at work, we are creating a poorer experience not just for ourselves but for the people we work with, clients and colleagues.
It’s a given then that the greatest gift we can give each other as peers and to the colleagues that we support is time and space. This has to be held well enough so that we can reflect together on what is going on and how it impacts on our work. It has to be spacious enough that we can stand back, and from a different place look on what has been happening, our reactions, our immobilisations, through a different lens, and with deep curiosity and empathy, exhale… Looking through a trauma lens we can see responses in a different way; have a different understanding.
As we reflect more, we learn to breathe easier. We can learn to take just enough time to respond thoughtfully rather than react without thinking. We can learn together how to avoid triggers, to help people be less activated. Things will probably still not go to plan, from time to time (that’s the way of trauma, it’s messy!) but we will be able to stay away from the ‘blame game’ – or at least recognise it when it rears its ugly head.
The past couple of weeks has seen our world upturned. We have had to change the way we work, in a flurry of phone calls and internet connections. We’ve learned that “social distancing is bad copyright”. We need to stay in social contact; we need it for our continued well-being in these unchartered times, we just need to be physically distant.
The last couple of weeks have seen us at Respond stretching our creativity to make sure that we can keep in contact with all the beneficiaries of our services, in ways that are meaningful to them. In the face of communications that seemed to be closing doors, we’ve approached tentatively, gently knocking with a reminder that we’re still here and we can still offer you what you need from us – just in a different way.
More than ever individuals and groups need time and space; time to be heard; time to reflect and time to be emotionally held. Doing this in cyber space feels different, but with the right holding, can still feel safe enough for the opportunity for healing, sharing, recognising and responding to happen.
Therapy, supervision and reflective thinking can all happen, and flourish, online where there’s a held space, and together we can just breathe.
Sonia Antoniazzi
Learning and Development Coordinator, Therapist and Supervisor.
If you are interested in any of our services, please do contact us on: admin@respond.org.uk.
We look forward to hearing from you.
